Your daughters are starting or going back to school and it’s very important that you deal with bullying—whether they’re being bullied (I spent years in private school that my parents could barely afford and I still bear the mental scars of being looked down on for my clothes and lower status with those perfect girls that took years to deal with and it sometimes still surfaces) or they are bullying.

Some methods dealing with bullies:

Many people assume that boys are more aggressive than girls. In fact, girls are equally as aggressive. They simply use different methods to express it. Boys generally act out their aggression physically — typically by hitting, shoving, or kicking. Girls tend to utilize subtler expressions, … — gossiping, group exclusion, and rumor spreading.  http://www.scholastic.com/parents/resources/article/social-emotional-skills/bullies-disguise

First you as a parent, teacher or otherwise involved adult must take responsibility:

DEALING WITH THE BULLY:

There are a number of reasons why girls engage in relational aggression including everything from climbing the social ladder to peer pressure. And yet adults often don’t view relational aggression as a big issue. In fact, most adults have very little sympathy for the girls who are targeted and often think being mean is just a normal part of girl behavior.

Discuss perspective. “Developmentally, adolescents often have no idea how their behavior hurts others.”    http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/mean-girls-why-girls-bully-and-how-to-stop-them

DEALING WITH THE BULLY’S TARGETS:

Teach them to Ignore her as often as possible. Bullies crave attention, and female ones aren’t much different.  Teach your daughters to move on and the bully will to.   http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-a-Mean-Girl-Bully/

Validate the range of emotions. Help your little girl understand that all emotions, positive and negative, are normal and that bad emotions don’t make girls bad. Use statements like, I can hear how angry you are about what happened. It hurts when friends are mean. Allowing your daughter’s anger or resentment to play out will help her calm down more quickly than if you minimize the   situation.   http://bullying.about.com/od/Responses/a/8-Ways-To-Cope-With-Mean-Girls.htm

“Be confident and assertive.” Every girl needs to learn how to stand up for herself, especially against mean girls. The best way to do this is to learn how to be assertive…without being aggressive or mean in return.   http://bullying.about.com/od/Responses/a/8-Ways-To-Cope-With-Mean-Girls.htm

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 Girls… can learn to redirect feelings of insecurity and competition by trusting and counting on one another. Girls can and must be taught to value themselves and others and to only enter into relationships with those who share their values mutually. We can teach our girls to mentor and help one another in the safe space of real friendship, if we proactively guide them with empowering strategies and techniques, including how to acknowledge, recognize, and cope with difficult and aggressive relationships.  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-gail-gross/girls-who-bully-and-the-women-they-learn-from_b_4034100.html